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Yeah yeah yeah...
...This one goes out to all the white guys out there...
...who be listening to Dre and DMX in their cars on the way to work...
...stuck in traffic...
...you know who you are...
...and I sympathise...
You know it's TOUGH
To be a rapper when you whiter than white
With every SYLLABLE you utter
You be thinking you might
Be EXPOSED, don't got no bitches to the left and the right
Just got a suit n shirt n tie n that shit's buttoned up tight
MONDAY MORNIN!
Clock in 9am at the office
Put on the kettle n check in with two whole days worth o gossip
Someone's PREGNANT!
(Yeahhh boiiii!)
But I don't really care
Wish I was down in the ghetto
Popping ma gat in the air
Racing down ALLEYS
While the fuzz be chasin down on ma tail
Shouting STOP! Nigga we gone be takin yo ass ta jail
You fuckin PUNK
Cuz you didn't pay yo girl ALIMONY
But no instead I'm fuckin stuck up here with Martin and Tony
On a FRIDAY!
Poppin some pills, down at the club
Getting FREAKY!
She reaches down and gives me a rub
We go OUTSIDE!
She's down on her knees in a flash
Then to MY PLACE!
My tongue is workin hard in her gash
We are WRITHING!
Over every surface in my apartment
Then she tells me, she's the new girl in my sales department
She tells me, she's the new girl in my sales department
MONDAY MORNIN!
Shit is awkward, my two lives have collided!
I ain't a gangsta! I'm a sales rep who's gotten misguided!
Not a pimp! Fell into something I had not forseen
Fucked a girl on work experience who's only fifteen!
Yo, I'm scared! I'm on edge!
Don't know WHAT she's gonna do!
Can't CONCENTRATE!
Walkin through life, dazed and confused!
Always WARY!
Of what seems to be inevitable!
You know! One week later she walks into my cubicle
"We should TALK" she says,
And I tell her I agree
She says that she's got to unload
A secret I gotta keep
Now I am CURIOUS!
How could it be worse than before?
She tries to talk, but every time she does
it comes out all wrong
I try to follow
but she's babbling, this can't carry on
I slap her face, and
yo, I tell her to breathe in, deep and long
She calms down, says "OK"
she's ready to spill
She says,
"I lied when I told you that I was on the pill"
I say, "WHUT?!"
Jumpin up, horrified at the thought,
I may have knocked up a minor
I'd be defenceless in court
Now I'm the one, babbling, and she slaps ME in the face
"It's OK! We'll get married. Things will fall into place."
All of a sudden, now I'm truly facing missed alimony
I'm turning into a gangster, I was happy a phony!
You know I hardly even know this girl, my new bride to be
If I'm convicted, she could end up living out on the street!
Is that really what I want? Shit no! Of course it isn't!
I was happy watching Seinfeld and studying Business!
Didn't wanna be a gangster! Didn't want any of this!
I'm just a boring sales rep who likes Dre and DMX!
You know it's TOUGH
To rep sales when you knocked up a teen
With every SYLLABLE you utter
You can feel your dream
Slippin AWAY!
You ain't never gonna be, head of department
All because you brought a little girl back to yo apartment
....I ain't a gangsta dawg...
...I just have a dog...
...He's a Labrador...
By Sam Baron
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